Looking to the Future?

Well, my friends, even for everyone who never actually bothered to send me messages over the social suck-hole, better known as Facebook. I'm on, after a hectic few weeks of frantic assignments and the rest.
So, what's happened in the recent past or is about to happen in the near future?

I'm seeing Vicki tomorrow, which I'm pretty excited about, but there's some stuff I need to sort out that probably shouldn't be said on-line. So, you'll just have to keep guessing. She had her Muck Up Day today, and her school had the theme of fairy tales, and she went as Thumbelina, which is quite fitting, and those who've met her before would know why! It's good; I like people who can have a laugh about themselves and make the best of situations. Today, people are far too concerned about the way others see them and the social cliques they suit. Just relax!

I've been having barbecues and get-togethers at my place over a Sunday afternoon after the training rides for the Great Victorian Bike Ride (only 38 days to go!), just so I can catch up with some decent people, who are suprisingly hard to find these days! Some of the people there deserve a trophy for being so awesome. It's good, but it turns out people only listen to me when I'm angry. So maybe, next time, there should be a limit on the amount of alcohol people can bring.
The best parts were: Seeing special people and busting out the Frisbee again!

Assignments for uni are done! I've only got 4 more assessments (one of which doesn't count for much) and two of those are exams. I'm glad it's all handed in, even if it isn't properly referenced and submitted late, it makes stress levels drop back down to an acceptable level!
Not all of the stress has gone. I'm in desperate need tutor for Statistics, and I'm willing to pay! I'm thinking along the lines of Alana's mum, seeing as she offered, and she's really funny. I'm kind of nervous about asking her though, I don't really want to look like a complete dead shit in front of her.
But if that's what I need to pass, that's what I'll do.

Projects, art and otherwise, shall soon be under way. Hopefully.
I've got 4 personal projects, all of which need expensive equipment I don't have, and another project that I want to start with Dave requires technical skills and some know-how I do not possess!
I still need to start painting my room and get some stencilling practice done.
I'm yet to start taking photo's for my Little Ironies project.
I need a video camera for 2 projects, shooting a promotional video for Mr. Youngs to show kids about the Great Victorian Bike Ride, and also to start interviewing friends about their outlook on life so I can keep track of how people have changed. I got the idea from a show I watched on SBS the other night, and it really made me appreciate how far I've come. So, if I buy a video camera and I come to you with a list of questions, don't be alarmed; I'm not filming you for a smut flick or about to film your last living moments. This one's innocent, I swear.

I've decided to give Allicia her own section on my blog so she can have a bit of information from down South. So, here's to you, Al!
There's been a lot of stuff going on down in Melbourne. I'll just give you some of the stuff that you might find interesting though.
Apparently Sam Kivell is "indeed a handsome yachtsmen" and has been mentioned in the local paper, the 'Mordialloc-Chelsea Leader' after taking a reporter out in Port Phillip Bay. The article was promoting the local sailing clubs, stating "It's the best summer fun you'll have (without champagne and a sun lounger)"! Surely, with Sam being skipper, the reporter had a lot more fun than usual! You can look at the article online on the Leader website.
(In my opinion) Kristy's taken her ego trip a tad too far at work, letting it get between her friends and her job, namely me. She's usually quite bipolar, for need of a better word, at work and everyone has to pussy foot around her moods and criticism to avoid a massive bitch fit for the rest of the night. Last Friday I was under the pump and snapped back at Kristy (over a bloody spoon of all things) and she flipped out, so I promptly told her that I didn't want to hear it and to get fucked. After she'd finished work she told my boss that I was constantly on Facebook while I'm at work, trying to get me in trouble or fired, in my opinion. So, needless to say, I'm not talking to her at all, blocked her from Facebook and I'm not looking forward to working with her on on Friday night!

Anyway, goodnight all you trusty people with nothing better to do than read my whining!
Blogs away!

What it is, is a monumental headfuck.

I tried to get my head around it for ages, but sometimes this doesn’t want to work.
You’d think you’d be able to find who, and what, you are in a place like this. Apparently I lack the headspace to do so. And it’s frustrating.

I get incredibly frustrated when I can’t work the way I need to, to get things done, especially when I have other people count on me to get it done. Work for example, I feel like I can’t do anything there properly because of my hands, I can’t lift everything like I used to. Uni, I can’t concentrate because I’m too preoccupied with trying to get myself in a better frame of mind, so I can’t read, I can’t take notes, I can’t take anything in. At home, I’m too tired to function properly so my folks think I’m drinking constantly (which seems incredibly tempting right now) and anti-social. When I’m out with my friends, I feel like I need to tell people things, about them, about their friends, about me, but they’re either stuck in the past and not likely to move forward and progress, or I know I’d fuck up a lot of things.
Right now I can’t work things out that will help me, and I can’t unload any of it because no one else needs that shit right now.

I find it funny, different people see different sides of me, depending on what I want to show them.
Uni people see the manic, over excitable kid who lives on the other side of town and just wants to be a kid again. There are a few people I’d love to say things to, but the time just ain’t right or they’d overreact in the extreme.
The guys I used to hang out with at school saw the serious but spineless kid, who just wanted to get out of there, but stuck to it anyway.
At work, my boss thinks I never speak, that I’m quiet and reserved, but I think Purdee thinks I’m irresponsible and immature.
I know my family think I’m a bit odd, anti-social, unmotivated, drugged, lazy and uninterested.
The different people I’m intimate with (either physically or emotionally) get the cutesy, cuddly guy who’s overly awkward and clumsy when he talks or moves.
Fuck, thinking about it, Cassie didn’t even get the full show. She only got the same things as the high school kids and the awkwardness.
And only a few people have seen me snap and go birko. Kate, Karen, my folks and Allicia are probably the only ones. It scares me, a lot, that. Now that I’m bigger and uglier than before, I think I could really get messy.

It gets confusing, when different groups are present, such as parties because I don’t know how to act, and I get really awkward looks and questions and it makes people think I hate everyone. Kind of funny, when you think about it, really.
I think I’d get the same reaction that Erin Fischer, that it’s ‘too intense’ or too full on, all at once. She’s good value though, it’s a pity we ‘can’t be friends’… Who the fuck says we can’t, besides you?

I’d love to meet someone who could follow the way my mind works. Any takers? Because, seriously, it’d be an experience. And a relief
Well, I’ve gotta make appointments for Wednesday. Good night, or rather, good morning, readers.

Blogs away.

Encouraged.

Well, how many people can actually follow this blog, I'm sending e-mails to the Blogger help centre to see what's happening with that. Send me a message on Facebook if you want to follow and I'll tell you when I've got it all sorted out. I know there's at least two people, so I expect messages! And plus, it makes me feel loved on Facebook.

I've currently got about 45 minutes until my next class and I'm bearing witness to one of the strangest dance practices I've ever seen! It's a multi-cultural Bollywood dance group. There's Indians, Vietnamese, Chinese, Greek and Russian people and it seems rather odd, but I'm assuming it's just because they're in a rather confined space and I don't have much experience with that kind of dancing.
I used to do ballroom dancing with Allicia Rae, who's the one working up in Queensland right now, and that was a whole lot of fun! It was pretty much a weekly session of laughing, tongue-in-earing and the occasional waltz, cha cha or fox trot. We looked absolutely hilarious though, because we were the youngest people in our lessons and she's more than a head smaller than me, the pipsqueak! I never did learn how to waltz properly though.

Anyway, what's been happening since my last post? I've been swamped with assessments, some of which I should be doing now and submitting soon, and I've decided to get fit! That's been a major thing for me.
I've decided that the whole of October is going to be following these rules:

1. No junk food, at all.
2. No more than two soft drinks/alcoholic drinks a day, unless there's a special occasion.
3. Exercise at least twice a week (running and riding)

This started after I ran the 6 km from my friends place at 3 o'clock in the morning without stopping, and I felt alright, so I thought I'd see what I'd be able to do if I was actually eating healthily and tried to get fit.

I’ve been doing the weekly rides on a Sunday Morning, 65 km ride yesterday and another again next week, but also running on Thursday nights after work and on a Sunday afternoon, after a reasonable rest.

It’s easier by far because my friends Dave and Al are doing it with me and they can hold a conversation whilst doing it.

I've become incredibly sick of some of my old friends, who probably don't realise, but they're stuck in the same place they have been for years, doing the same old stuff, having the same old fights and getting in the same trouble. I'm sick of it, because they treat me like a baby sitter. All I seem to do is look after people and make sure they don't get their heads kicked in, even if some of them really deserve it.

What else? More assessments, friend shenanigans and a whole lot of odd urges and impulses. I’m also slowly learning how to cook, but I don’t trust myself yet. I wouldn’t eat it, unless you want food poisoning. Well, I’ve got some more important stuff to talk about, so I’ll start a new post. Back in a jiffy.

Blogs away!